Random Thoughts

I talked to Master a few times today. He knows me, and knows I'm unsettled right now. He hasn't read my blog post yet- but will after he arrives home tonight. He asked me today if he needed to come back here and slap some sense into me. When he said it my heart and cunt both clenched. I was ashamed I wanted to say yes. He has been working and out of town non-stop- I hear how tired he is and all I could think about was how I wanted his hands on me- making everything better. I told him no, not to come. That I will be okay. And I will, eventually. Untill then I will push and be stubborn- just like he predicts I will be. He even told me this evening it amuses him. It is humbling at times- the way he views me. Different than anyone else in my life. He tells me I have done everything he has asked, even if I fight a bit, I still do it. Thinking on it- amazingly, he is right. I don't know how to begin to deny him. I don't know when this change came over me- but it has. I still want to piss him off- but maybe not as badly. Afterall- he is scary when he's mad.

He doesn't let me call him *Sir* he said that is reserved for strangers. I call him V., by his name on occasions- Daddy from time to time, and more and more frequently now *Master* I struggle with this last one. It always seemed as though it would be fake from my mouth. That it goes against my charachter, and using it would mean I was being some type of *player* He loves it when I call him Master. When I beg I might as well not even bother unless I'm ready to use that missive. I find myself using it on my own now, without prompting- just because I know it pleases him. One would almost think I am smitten.

I miss girls. I want a nice soft girl to take away my sadness when he is away. He won't let me have one. :( He wants my focus to be on serving him, and changing my living situation. I think he thinks it will distract me. And he's jealous.. *G Maybe I can talk him into getting one I can borrow from time to time?