Veils

"I caught a glimpse of you behind a wall. I broke the wall down but it was only your perfume. I saw you hidden behind a veil. I tore the veil and found a you that was a familiar to me and a stranger to you. I'll sew the veil and keep us behind it until I make you familiar to yourself".

V. wrote this for me tonight. I'm in a horrible place right now. Phyiscally and emotionally I am just drained. I know some of it is life changes- finishing school, starting a new job, the growing intensity between Him and I.

And the rest of it- are the changes I can't make. The reasons that I am frozen in time, unable to move forward, make those steps I need to make- to being everything to him. Monday was one week since I've seen him- and it feels like it has been months. My bruises are faded..and I have to try so very hard..to remember the feel of his slap.

I am trying to pull away, make distance. He allows me this to an extent. Sometimes I wish he would just force me to do what needs to be done. But I know he won't have me that way. He will wait, but I must come to him. I don't know how, or when I will.

Just that I must. I'm running out of options.

I'm slowly wilting. Dying here.